i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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