just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
my sisters under your porch take her home
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Randomize
