I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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