I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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