wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
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