Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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