The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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