Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
