I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize