Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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