i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
