Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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