I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
