Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
