She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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