he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
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