He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
