Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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