My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
