Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
