quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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