So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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