Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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