Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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