Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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