Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
