I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
