How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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