That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
