Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
