You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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