Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
