Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
