So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
