Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
