Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
