What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i can't believe i had my finger in that
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Randomize
