Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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