That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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