I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
