help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
