So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We named our party play list daddy issues
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
