If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
there is glitter all over my balls
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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