Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
