if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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