I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
