My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
