"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It's never too late to be topless.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
