Your dad touched me again.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
home. puking in laundry basket.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
