I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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