I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
