I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
God, I missed his penis.
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