You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
