Sry I called you an 8
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
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There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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