I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
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I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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