11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
