Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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