you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I don't think brook has ever known best
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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