I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We talked him into tasing himself.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
