Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
