so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
