Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
