Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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