What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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