i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
