so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
