everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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