matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
