You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
