You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
