Just fell off a train. Bad.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
