She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
