i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
