my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
third nipple confirmed
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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