butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
