How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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