Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
