Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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