I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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