I must be too annoying 4 u.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
